Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in evil_kieben's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, December 1st, 2009
3:16 pm	Why do I have a Facebook account? About a year ago Monique invited me to join Facebook. If not for her, I never even would have considered it. So I joined it, found a few old friends, and a few old friends found me. But I have nothing to say to any of these people. It's a stupid site, really. It's full of people who are so full of themselves that they feel you need an up-to-the-minute report on what they're doing. Some people post five or six updates a day, probably even more! It's just useless, trivial spam. To make it worse, there are all these stupid games you can play to earn "Coins" to buy various upgrades to the games. Of course, you can use real money to buy Coins, and I'm sure a lot of people do. But I'm straying off-topic a bit here. The annoyance is that there are literally hundreds of these games, and every time someone plays one, I get an automatic status update for THAT, too! I don't care of Joe Blow Prepjock, who I never considered a friend to begin with, fished up an old skull from the bottom of his fish tank. I don't care that he just bought a lamp for his Yoville apartment. And I don't care that he sent me request for a Friendship Medal to prove to everyone that he is a good friend. Seriously, this is kindergarten-level bullshit. If you try to delete your account, good luck with that one. All you can do is "deactivate" it, which means that your profile, and all of your information, is still there. The only difference is that YOU can't see it anymore. That's so stupid! I did some digging and found a usergroup titled "How to delete your facebook account" or something along those lines, which included a URL to follow that would, hopefully, get my account deleted once and for all. I don't want to find anyone, and I don't even want anyone to find me. No good can come of it. Over the years there have been girls that found me in various ways, and a few that I found again myself. Without fail, I end up wishing it'd never happened. Girlfriends have proven themselves to be more trouble than they are worth. I can't afford them, I can't keep them happy, and they make my life miserable. It's my own fault too, I'm too generous, too caring, just too nice. I bend over backwards trying to please people who aren't worth the effort, and end up destroying myself in the process. It's better to remember people the way they were, than to know them the way they've become. I've known that lesson for 15 years; maybe it's time I finally LEARNED it. Current Mood: pissed off (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, November 23rd, 2009
7:06 pm	Ain't technology grand? I started delivering pizza yesterday to a neighborhood I know almost nothing about. Thanks to my trusty new GPS, I can find places I've never even heard of within minutes. It's a Garmin and it was $99 at Wal-Mart. Best $99 I've ever spent. It knows which way I'm facing, it knows where I'm going, it even knows the speed limit on the road I'm on, and how fast I am going. It knows exactly where I am, with a margin of error of only a few feet. Of course, the next step is to start putting these inside of you. Then we give up our individual rights, freedoms, and privacy. Then we become slaves to the system that we ourselves created. Has this all happened before? The Bible is not a holy book, but a historic one. And history is written by the victors. It's been twisted around, tainted by doctrine and dogma, but reading between the lines the truth is still there for those who know where to look. Satan is not some ancient spiritual entity, it is Humanity itself. Specifically, it is the elements of society who sit at the top, pulling the strings of everyone beneath them. We put them in power, and they will enslave us. The best part is, we won't even realize that we are slaves. Too many people try to take the Old Testament literally, thinking of a literal snake in a literal tree with a literal fruit. The snake, of course, is supposedly evil, but this is the basis of the deception that comprises everything that modern Judaic religions are constructed on. In the story, the Forbidden Fruit was the Fruit of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. That's never sat well with me, and here's why. If God was Good, then he should WANT us to know the difference between Good and Evil, so that we could appreciate him more. But if God was Evil, then he would NOT want us to know the difference, because once we knew that he was Evil, we would rebel. We did not know that we were slaves, until we knew what it meant to be free. Therefore the Serpent, the "traitor" Lucifer, was not evil at all. His name, after all, means "Bringer of Light". And, of course, his rebellion was an apparent failure, a fact that is repeatedly pounded into our heads at any Evangelical service. Religion was formed to give us a false sense of hope where no hope exists. It is a means to control the masses, because if the masses knew the truth, there would be anarchy. "God" has been slowly restoring "his" way to power, creating a "New Eden" that is a paradise... but not for those of us who make it happen. And who the hell orders six pizzas that are half cheese, and half pepperoni, each? Why not just order three of one and three of the other? (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 21st, 2009
8:18 pm	Writer's Block: Get everything you care about, all in one place. "With so much information on the Web, how do you stay organized online?" By realizing that 99% of it is pointless and stupid, because it is posted by people who are pointless and stupid. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 17th, 2009
1:54 pm	A day in the life of the year of 2009 of Evil Kieben 2009 has been the year of people who weren't who they said they were. 10 year ago, my ex wife Paulina ran up about $3000 of bills for me through purchases she made on Fingerhut. Additionally, she kept putting all of her utility bills in my name and not paying them. This was a huge nightmare of bullshit to wade out of. I worked 16 hours a day at a local envelope factory, and did so much ass-busting that the Supervisor started giving me raises and training me to be a Foreman. 8 months later I had the bills paid off and moved to Columbus with literally the clothes on my back. The Supervisor wasn't too happy with me, but I'd never see him again. (I actually did see him again last year when I was working at Movie Gallery. Fortunately he didn't recognize me!) So anyway, last year Paulina tells me that she has really grown up, is more responsible, more mature, and really good at budgeting her money. I decide to give her another chance. Things seem to be going well, but come January I discovered the secret truth: Over the course of November-December, a period of TWO MONTHS, she spent $6000 on my bank account for purchases she made through Paypal. This is going to be a looong story. She met a group of women on the internet who call themselves the "WAHMs", which stands for "Work At Home Moms". She got the idea to become one of them and decided to start her own candle business. She asked me if it was okay to use my bank card to buy the wax she needed to get started, and also some coffee that one of them was selling. I liked the coffee, and she said she'd become self-sufficient once she started making her candles, so I agreed. This was Step 1 in her plan. By agreeing to pay for the coffee and startup wax, my bank card info was automatically saved on her Paypal account. Now she was able to use it to buy everything without asking me. Over the course of those two months, she would get four or five packages a DAY from Fed Ex and UPS. Every morning she would rush downstairs to see what had arrived, and every day she feigned surprise, claiming with excitement that it was all "free samples" from her "friends". Also during those two months, I mysteriously stopped getting bank statements in the mail. Looking back, it's probably the real reason she would rush downstairs to get everything. If I got a bank statement she probably threw it away. Paulina hated the Jeep Wrangler. She wasn't comfortable in it, so for her sake I bought a Jeep Liberty. During my credit check was when I discovered that I had $6000 less in my bank account than I should have. I went to the bank the next day and had them print out a statement for me. It was more than 10 pages long! I crossed out the transactions I knew were mine and highlighted the ones that weren't. When I got home I totally confronted her about it, asking her if she knew who all these transactions were to and what they were for. Over the next three or four hours, I ran down the list, one by one. Damn if she didn't identify EVERY SINGLE TRANSACTION on the list! I looked around the apartment; I can't imagine what she'd spent $6000 on. Her secret was out, and her true colours began to show. Always the victim, she began pointing fingers and blaming everyone but herself. It was my fault for having my bank card on her Paypal account. (Which she asked me to do for her!) It was Paypal's fault for not charging her a monthly rate like a credit card. (I did the math, paying off $6000 in $50 a month increments, plus interest, would have taken her literally 20 years!) And it was my bank's fault for not putting a limit on how much she was spending. (You're supposed to be responsible enough to do that yourself!) Then she started with other bullshit stories, like how it "was only $5900!", like that makes it somehow better. Well at the time it did add up to $5900, but the month after I discovered another charge for $100 to a place that sold PENS. So it was officially $6000. What's more, if I hadn't discovered it and put a stop to it, it would have been much, much more. Not only was she no more responsible or mature, she was even worse. I decided I was through with her. Then she started some weird sort of self-empowerment role-reversal crap, telling me that "she'd decided that we could still see each other but we shouldn't live together anymore." I told her we were well beyond that now. Then she came back with how she "wishes she'd never met me." What? How does she have any right to say either of those things? Somehow, in her mind, she has every right. To her, she is the victim of some imaginary bastard that I really am. Let's see, I pay for everything I buy, Christy pays for everything she buys, Jeremy pays for everything he buys. What makes her any different? By making her pay for the things she buys, I'm a royal dick. Yup, the bank investigated and determined that I was not responsible for the purchases, refunded the money, and charged it all to her. For the first time in her life she has to be responsible for herself. She is on SSI and gets $600 a month, plus food stamps and medical coverage. She doesn't have to lift a finger or leave the room. Because she is on SSI, her wages can't be attached. So in the past she's been able to run up rediculous bills, then ignore them as though they never happened, knowing that she would never have to pay for them. As an example, several years ago she got a movie from Netflix. They charged her twice for it. She couldn't afford the second $5 charge because she didn't have enough money in her bank account to cover it. (Why she's spending money on movies when she's that broke is beyond me!) So she didn't pay it. In fact, she continued to not pay it until I went back with her. When Round 2 began, the late fees and interest on that movie had gone from $5 to about $400! This was preventing her from having a bank account so I paid it for her. See what a bastard I am? I had a safe hidden in the closet with two envelopes in it, one with my name and one with her name. She wanted to go visit her sister in California, so I told her to save some money for the trip, and when the time came I would match however much she'd saved. Wouldn't you know, not only did she never put any money into her envelope, but the envelope itself was no longer even in there! She'd thrown it away, never intending to save any money in the first place, because she knew that I would give her some anyway. This time, it's her own responsibility to clean her own mess. And she's furious! I went to her website and her blog says only that she is paying monthly on "Mike's chargebacks, that bastard". Yeah, why not explain to everyone the nature of those chargebacks? Nope, she's gotta villainify me to garner sympothy and support. What has she done to deserve such cruelty at my hands? Apparently I'm such an ass. Speaking of her website, that reminds me of another point. I discovered that after the first breakup, not only had she been putting bills in my name, but she had been using my internet name AS HER OWN and even bought her website domain as my internet name! She was using my name in chats, emails, her websites, everywhere! And after this second go-around, the verdict is in: Paulina is a true identity thief. Rather than using hacks, she uses the presumption of love. She once told me 10 years ago that she liked me because, unlike our other friends, I actually had a job and went to it. I mistakenly assumed that she admired my work ethic, but reading between the lines what she REALLY admired was the money I earned. When I think back to the times she told me she loved me, I now have to wonder if she ever meant any of it? I think she was just telling me what I wanted to hear. Karma does collect, though, and on her website she now says that she has been the victim of identity theft. Someone has been using Western Union or something like it to wire money to themselves out of her account. Of course, she has to be sure to blame me for it on her blog, but in reality she knows I wouldn't do something like that. I can't say I'm sorry for her though. She's had it coming for a long time. Then there is the story of Big Mike. He's a guy I went to trucking school with, and he was a funny guy. After we graduated we both ended up as Werner trainees. After training was over, Big Mike was getting about 200 miles a week, and sitting around for 4 or 5 days at a time in between loads. I graduated a few weeks later, and my manager told me that unless I had someone to team with, they were sending me home, as they had absolutely no open positions. Side note here, Werner has been hiring a real shit-ton of student drivers, because they essentially make dirt-cheap team drivers. Once your training period is over it's cheaper for Werner to replace you with another student. I told him Big Mike wanted to drive with me so I got put on his truck. Once we were on the road he became a totally different person. To start, with team drivers one is supposed to be sleeping, or at least trying to sleep, while the other one drives. When I was done driving, it was bedtime. When HE was done driving, it was playtime. He would do anything and everything EXCEPT go to sleep. Playing a gameboy, lifting weights, talking on the cellphone, playing cell phone games, sitting in front never shutting up, you name it, he was doing it. I would drive 11 hours a day, sometimes all at once with no stops at all, and go around 700 miles. When HE started driving, there were times he had to stop for a nap only one hour after he started! Typically he had to stop 4 or 5 times during his 11 hour turn! What made this really bad was that he was literally falling asleep at the wheel of a 65 MPH 80,000 pound wall of wheeling death. I couldn't sleep because he kept drifting off the road and hitting the grooves cut into the pavement. It was literally a back-and-forth zigzag down the highway at times. So I had to stay awake to keep HIM awake, and then when it was my turn to drive *I* was tired. It didn't help that he was distracted by that stupid cell phone poker game, AS HE WAS DRIVING! Texting is bad enough, but playing online poker crosses the line. He was also becomming increasingly violent and combative, arguing with me over sometimes stupid stuff that he knew I was right about. And we called him Big Mike for a reason, he was all of about 350 pounds, half of it muscle. It started with an attitude, moved on into screaming, evolved into punching the dashboard, and I knew the next step was to start hitting me. He was becomming the most garbage person I'd ever known, and I had to live with him in a 10-foot area of truck for 3 weeks at a time. It ended one day after a 4 day break for various repairs, including a trailer tire. During those 4 days of waiting around, you would think that he would at least TRY to sleep, right? Wrong. He was down in the lounge the ENTIRE TIME, talking to the 50 or so other drivers who had nothing to do all week. I guess he wasn't too worried about it because he said I was driving first. Fair enough, maybe he'll sleep while I'm driving this time, right? Wrong. Poker time. I drove my 11 hours and traded places with him. He made it an hour and a half before pulling over and deciding that I had to take over for him. Fine, I took over for him. During the course of our subsequent adventures we blew a rear trailer tire. When we picked the trailer up it had a blown tire, and when he was going to be driving, oh hey we better get that fixed! But since *I* was the one driving currently, he didn't care. I told him I would go get the tire fixed. He told me no, I was going to get back on the highway and drive to our next stop. Some info here: Blown tractor-trailer tires are bad, mmm'kay? They can fly off and either hit a car, or land in the road, causing cars behind us to swerve around, slam on the brakes, and basically pile up on top of each other. It has the potential to be very dangerous for the cars around us. I told him I wouldn't drive with it like that and he flipped out on me. He kicked me off the truck and stranded me in the middle of Utah over the holiday weekend. I was extremely lucky to be able to find a rental car and drive myself home. There were only 2 cars left. When I called Werner the following week they told me I don't work there any more. I don't know whatever became of Big Mike. He's probably dead by now. Rounding up the year is Aurora, an old high school sweetheart who I never went out with at the time. When I was on the road and we were texting each other she was the nicest, sweetest girl. That all changed when I got home. The only way to keep her happy is to be constantly with her, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I was neglecting friends, family, and responsibilities in order to spend as much time with her as possible, and it was never enough. Any time I had to go somewhere she gave me a cold, jealous attitude. I would try to say goodbye and she would ignore me. When I was gone she said I was never coming back. She said that I didn't care about her or her kids, and that it didn't feel like a relationship. I know what I want in a relationship, and guilt-tripping isn't on the list. I felt sick every time the phone rang. I stayed with her for 2 months, it was long enough to realize things weren't working out. With Thanksgiving coming up I've been thinking of what I'm thankful for. You know what? I'm thankful this year is almost over! Current Mood: frustrated (Comment on this)
Friday, July 17th, 2009
6:55 pm	the worst is over Yesterday I completed my 300 student driving hours with Werner. Next week I should be going back to the Indianapolis terminal and taking a bunch of stupid computer tests. Then Big Mike, my buddy from trucking school, should be swinging on by to pick me up, and we are going to drive team 48 state national. One drives while the other's asleep so we'll get lots of miles in. So tonight I celebrated. I took myself to Outback and had two glasses of... Some kind of red wine, with my dinner, and topped it all off with a chocolate cheesecake. It was damn expensive but today is a special day. I haven't been home in ages, but once i'm driving with Big Mike, I should be home about every other weekend. In fact, next weekend should be a home weekend. So that should be fun. No doubt my father already has my entire weekend planned out for me, as usual, but I don't mind too much this time. The movie theatre didn't have Harry Potter, though. Seriously, WTF? I am getting way too good at text messaging. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 9th, 2009
10:26 pm	Good news, everyone! I guess wishes do come true! Current Mood: bouncy (Comment on this)
Monday, June 1st, 2009
11:55 am	Girl Repellent So there was this girl I met on the internet. We'd been emailing each other, nothing real serious, just basic getting-to-know-each-other crap. We had a lot in common, and seemed to be getting along pretty well. Then I asked her how she feels about video games. I haven't heard back from her in a week and a half. What is it about games that pisses girls off? My brother's wife is the same way. She professes an undying hatred of games. And for no good reason. She just doesn't like them. One night we convinced her to play Bomberman with us, and she was laughing like a madwoman. The next day, though, she didn't know what had come over her. She says she hates Bomberman. Does playing games make me immature or something? Given the choice between games and girls, I'll take games, because they aren't trying to change me. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 31st, 2009
2:13 pm	The Shopper Spammer So I just went to K-Mart. As I walked in, there was a well-dressed dude sitting there at some sort of display table. He waved at me and said "Here you go, sir!" Now I've been really sick these past two weeks. One of the unfortunate side effects of being sick is that I'm not a dickhead. Usually I would dismiss him as I walked past, or ignore him outright. But today, I don't have the strength to be a dickhead, so I stopped and asked him what all this crap was for. I looked at the display behind his table. It was for some sort of photo package. He waved a piece of paper at me and said, "Fill this out and you get the whole package for 12 bucks". I said "Sorry dude, I don't need this." He slammed the table with his palm. He was mad at me! How do you even GET such a dismal job? Sitting there spamming people who come in, trying to get them to buy something they weren't even looking for. It seems like a job they give to lazy people who don't want to do any actual work. They can't be paying him much. I certainly hope he didn't go to college for this. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 29th, 2009
5:36 am	Nerves of Steel... Sometimes. This is stupid. Normally nothing can shake me. As an example, a few weeks ago I was coming up a steep hill on OH-170 that has several sharp bends, and a 5000 foot drop off the side. As I was cruising along uphill at about 45 mph, a car coming down the hill whipped around the corner at around 70 mph. He lost control and drifted nearly 3/4 into my lane. In about the space of 1 second, I was able to tell him to go fuck himself (he didn't hear me), swerve out, swerve in, shake my head in amazement and continue on my way. No sweat, right? So now here I am waiting for my first assignment at a new job and I'm a wreck. It's so bad there are physical symptoms. I don't WANT to be nervous, and I know there is no reason to be. So why am I? Current Mood: annoyed (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 29th, 2007
2:58 pm	Parallel Universe Bullshit So I haven't played Capcom Vs SNK 2 for a year or so, and I popped it in the other day. If you get a high enough point ranking by the time you reach the final stage, there is a cutscene with Shin Gouki and God Rugal. There are two possible outcomes to the cutscene, which determines which of the two characters you must then face. It USED to be random. But so far, out of the nine or ten times I've played through the game, EVERY SINGLE TIME I have faced Shin Gouki. I thought that was most peculiar, so I checked gamefaqs.com to see if there were any criteria for facing one or the other. As it turns out, there is: If you are using a Capcom Groove (Ism), you will face Shin Gouki. If you are using an SNK Groove, you will face God Rugal. This is news to me. I have NEVER used SNK Grooves. I have been a pretty Dedicated C-Groove user, with occasional A-Grooves every now and then. C-Groove fills up your Super Meter the fastest, and allows Level 2 Super Cancels. A-Groove features Custom Supers like those in Street Fighter Alpha 2 and 3. That's what I've always used. According to gamefaqs.com, I should have NEVER faced God Rugal at all. Shin Gouki and God Rugal are secret playable characters. In order to unlock them, you have to defeat them in Arcade mode. So I took a real close look at the character select screen, since there are nearly 50 characters on it. Sure enough, the spot where God Rugal's face SHOULD reside is mysteriously vacant, indicating that I have never faced him. That's bullshit. I know what he looks like. I know his intro pose. I know his moves. I know how tinny his voice sounds. I know what his character portraits look like. I know how disappointed I was after I'd unlocked both characters and realized that there was nothing else to unlock. I know everything there is to know about God Rugal, except that by all indications I should know nothing about him at all. So how do I know? Current Mood: aggravated (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 27th, 2006
3:53 am	Adversaries In the movie "The Matrix", when someone died in the virtual world, they died in the real world as well, since the brain thought they had really died, and shut down. This concept was probably inspired by dreams in which the dreamer has a brush with death. Many years ago, when the original Tomb Raider came out, I played it constantly. I was such a Tomb Raider fan that one night I had a dream that I was Lara Croft. I was deep underground the Great Sphinx, trying to beat Pierre DuPonte to the Scion. He arrived a few moments before I did, and when I got there he walked casually out of the room, the Scion in one hand and his pistol in the other. He gave me some long-winded speech that I can't even begin to remember, and then he shot me right between the eyes. I actually felt the bullet strike my head, a fraction of a second before waking up. I often wondered, if I hadn't woken up, would I have died in my sleep? I've had numerous dreams like this in the past. Once there was a beautiful white palace, with an inground pool that didn't have any water in it. Instead it was full of people who worshipped the White Snake. The White Snake was about 50 or 60 feet long and a good 4 or 5 feet in diameter. The people trapped in the pool saw it as a protector, but this was kind of silly as it would occasionally eat one of them. As I looked down into the pool, the White Snake arose and began snapping at me. Luckily, I had a Klingon Battlith handy, and was able to repeatedly repel it's advances. I couldn't really do much to hurt it but at least I was able to keep it at bay. Stalemate. Then the snake vanished and a knight appeared. Armoured in full black plate, with huge, leathery black wings at its back, and bear fur shoulderpads. After fighting the knight for a few minutes, it took off its helmet. It was a beautiful blonde woman. Her name was Arithia. Had some dark force been trying to take me that night? A few weeks ago I had a dream about the Terminator. I saw him coming around the corner about 50 yards in front of me. The Terminator music was even playing in the background. He turned and raised a pistol at me, and I knew there was no way to beat something like that. In my dream, I told myself to wake up. As the Terminator took aim, I forced myself awake, and once again, cheated death. Only a week after that I had another dream that I was in a forest with another person, possibly my brother, and a mountain lion came out of nowhere and tried to attack me. I dreamed myself a pistol and shot it in the face a few times. As with the White Snake, my attacks didn't seem to have any visible effect, but they did halt the big cat's advances towards me. Dreams like the Fleischmachter probably fall into this category as well. There have been far too many to remember. Perhaps the most terrifying account, however, is a dream that I heard on late night AM radio. The caller related a dream that he had when he was very young, in which he went downstairs into the basement, and the basement gave way to a forest, then a desert, then a mountain. At the mountain, a great grizzly bear began chasing after him. It chased him back through the desert, to the forest, to the basement, to the stairs. As he got to the top of the stairs, he turned to look at the bear, which was still at the edge of the forest. It snorted at him and turned away. Several years later, he had the exact same dream. He was older though, and not quite as fast as he used to be. By the time he got to the top of the stairs, the bear was in the basement with him. Several years after that, he had it once again. This time the bear got so close that he could feel it's hot breath on the back of his neck. As he got to the top of the stairs and turned around, the bear was right at the foot of the stairs looking up at him. And then the bear spoke to him! "The next time you have the dream, I get you." I hope for his sake that in the meantime, he learns how to control his dreams. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 5th, 2006
1:33 pm	Mother's Day At the time I was going out with Monique, my high school sweetheart. It was the early morning of Mother's Day. I had a dream of a slim black woman, who identified herself as Monique's real mom. She asked me to tell Monique that she loves her. I said that I would, and I called her later that day. Monique lives right next door to her mom. She is one of eight children. When I told her about the dream, she said it's funny but she'd always wondered if she was switched at birth. She does not physically resemble any of her other siblings. Was the woman in my dream really her real mom? Whoever she was, I kept my word, and hope that it helped her somehow. (Comment on this)
1:28 pm	Geography Lessons I was in a small, white room, with a few other beings who I couldn't see. They showed me a map of the United States of America, but it wasn't like the maps we have today. This was a map of the future. In this map, California was gone. Underwater. So was much of the western coast. And China had established control over the southwest, specifically they were occupying New Mexico. Is this really the future? Or just a bunch of nonsense? Time will tell. (Comment on this)
1:19 pm	Snapshot One night I dreamed of a girl. She had long, wavy brown hair, a slightly big nose, and a look of sadness about her, a tragic confidence that said she wasn't happy with life but she would stick through it. I only saw her from the waist up, and she was naked. Behind her was a brilliant yellow light, shining forth from some unseen source. But this wasn't an interactive dream; it was an image, a snapshot. I have never seen the girl in the image, yet I recognised her immediately. As I looked at her, somewhere inside of me I KNEW who she was, and I marvelled at her: she was my Astral Twin. The dream only lasted a few moments. I'm not sure why she was being shown to me. I've pretty much decided that there is absolutely nobody in the world for me. That I am destined to live my entire life alone, or with the wrong people, in disaster relationships that never last very long. I quit looking ten years ago. Since then, one person was looking for me, and that too didn't work out. Perhaps I was being shown so that I would know that I was wrong. That there IS one person in the world who I would be compatible with. But that doesn't mean that I will ever meet her. Maybe it was also a warning of sorts, that she is the ONLY person in the world who would be right for me, and to avoid relationships with anyone else. But again, there is no guarantee that I will ever be with her. In fact, I'd bet against it. I did have a subsequent dream of her only a few nights ago. She told me that she'd come through a gate into this dimension, and she was afraid of people finding out who she was or where she was from. I usually am able to exert a decent amount of control over my dreams; unfortunately, this actual encounter with her was over as soon as it began. If I see her again, maybe I'll ask her to take me back with her. I wonder what would happen? (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 2nd, 2006
12:51 am	The Ari Shining Ones. Illi. Elohim. Illiam. Anunnaki. Nobilli. Gods. Fallen Angels. Whatever they are called, they are present in nearly every religion and mythology in the world. And all accounts share many common characteristics: They have light skin. They have blonde or white hair. They are very beautiful. They are amazingly strong. They are incredibly intelligent. They possess knowledge, power, and (technology?) that normal people perceive as "Magic". They mated with humans and produced hybrid offspring. Such offspring were the men of religious and mythological legend, such as Heracles (Hercules), Samson, Abraham, Goliath, and possibly even Noah. Their bloodline has been traced to Jesus Christ, which is indeed insteresting as it is called the Luciferian Bloodline. But such is another story entirely, one that I am not nearly qualified to address. This race of hybrids were known as the Ari. Arian, or Aryan, means "noble" in Sanskrit. The Ari are, of course, the namesake of Adolf Hitler's "Arian Nation". They are the enemies of what mainstream Christian and Judaic religions identify as "God". I believe that UAHADC was a representative of the Ari, or perhaps even the Illi. They are still here, hiding, waiting for their chance to rise once again and resume the war against whoever it was who defeated them so long ago. I once had a dream about a past life. While these are not entirely uncommon, what made this particular dream interesting was that the past that I was seeing was MORE technologically advanced that our own present. In this dream, my brother and I were the pilots of 25 foot tall battlemechs. My brother was engaged in battle against four soldiers, who were all on foot. They had EMP (Electromagnetic Pulse) weapons which were capable of incapacitating battlemechs. They disabled my brother's machine, and began pelting him with machine gun fire. I screamed into my comm relay for him to get the fuck out of there, and he managed to bring his ejection module online and escape. As I watched his cockpit disengage from his mech and blast off into the sky on my monitor, a different face appeared in my comm relay. He had medium length straight white hair, and glowing white eyes. Then a human woman with long black hair appeared next to him. Then a child appeared onscreen with them, and it had white hair and glowing eyes like the man, who was obviously the father. Then the man spoke to me. "We came to this world thirteen ages ago, and it would have been ours, if you..." Suddenly all audio was cut off. Two seconds later I was wide awake. Not half awake, not groggy or sleepy at all; it instead felt as though some outside force had deliberately interrupted the dream and forced me to wake up. This really pissed me off because I wanted to know what my contact had to say. But something else decided on my behalf that I shouldn't hear it. I can make my own damn decisions, thank you. So I was left to ponder what the rest of the message would have said. "...it would have been ours, if you..." If we what? 1) If we had sided with them? 2) If we hadn't sat back and done nothing? 3) If we hadn't sided against them? 4) If we hadn't defeated them? By "ours" it must also be considered if he meant himself and his race, or an alliance between his race and the human race. Unfortunately, I did not have the chance to find out. Some Gnostic faiths believe God to be evil. That He created mankind to be slaves. They see Lucifer as a saviour, a messenger, a liberator. The name Lucifer means "Light Bringer". Lucifer gave mankind the Forbidden Knowledge, the knowledge that God did not want us to have. And once we gained that knowledge, we gained free will, which God also did not want us to have. Did the Illi and the Ari try to lead us in a war of liberation, only to fight the war themselves as we sat back and refused to participate? Did we fight AGAINST our would be liberators? Is God really evil? And has the establishment of organized religions so conditioned us that even those of no practising faith are yet afraid to challenge or even question the doctrines? Not that I am defending Hitler. Like Osama bin Laden, he was a religious fanatic, whose ends did not justify his means. Such measures have no place in today's world. Our enemies should not be each other. But I do question what he was really fighting for? Not what the history books tell us; most will not even mention Hitler and the occult in the same paragraph, if they even mention it at all. One must look to "alternative" history to find that Hitler was, in fact, very much involved with the occult. Just what was going on inside his head? He was, after all, a Jew. What was his war REALLY about? (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 30th, 2006
11:58 am	My Guardian Spirit The Hypnagogic State. Halfway between awake and asleep. I believe that such a state is where what ones sees is not hallucination nor dream, but a filtered version of the hidden reality. I went to bed one morning at 6am, my usual bedtime. But I couldn't sleep, because every time I closed my eyes I could feel a tangible evil presence in my room. This kept me up for at least an hour, but probably closer to two. I asked for an angel to come guard me while I slept, and fell promptly asleep. I woke up several hours later, suddenly. And laying right in front of me, with its head resting on my hand, was a black wolf. When it saw me looking at it, it picked its head up a few inches and grinned at me. This episode only lasted a few seconds before I was fast asleep again. I think that the conscious mind acts as a filter. It prevents us from seeing things that we aren't meant to see. When you are asleep, though, the conscious mind is inactive. The subconscious mind, by contrast, is always active. Without the conscious mind to filter reality, the subconscious mind is able to see everything. This leads to two possible explanations for my black wolf Guardian Spirit. 1) It really is a black wolf. Perhaps I was seeing it completely unfiltered, as it really is. 2) It wasn't really a black wolf, but that was what I saw it as. Normally, this is something that the conscious mind would filter out. However, in a semi awake state, my subconscious mind had seen it before my conscious mind could filter it. By then it was too late. My subconscious mind KNEW it was seeing something, so an image had to be applied. The conscious mind, not being able to erase it, instead assigned a more acceptable image to it. I have a lot of American Indian and wolf paraphernalia scattered around my house; statuettes, portraits, mandalas, beer steins. Perhaps this is why the image assigned was that of a wolf, or perhaps it is such possessions which attracted an actual wolf spirit to me. The conscious mind is really a curse, and conscious existance is such a joke. While spiritual, I am not religious. I am dissatisfied with and distrustful of mainstream organized religions. I know there is a bigger picture out there, that nobody sees, that nobody wants to see. But I want to see it. I want to know. I am a wolf. A hungry wolf. Episodes like this only fuel my hunger; catching the scent but never the quarry. (Comment on this)
1:33 am	Boo I don't know if this was a dream or an actual Out-of-Body-Experience (OBE). At the time I had been trying to have them, and it certainly seemed like one. I don't remember waking up. From the first moment of awareness, I was standing at the foot of my bed. It was maybe 8 or 9 in the morning, but the blinds are always drawn in my room, as I sleep until 2pm. So it's usually not very bright in my room, even during the day. But at the time of this experience, it was as bright as if I'd had the blinds completely open. Maybe even brighter. I keep the door to my bedroom open. I get paranoid with it closed when the house creaks. The walls that comprise the doorway itself are the better half of a foot thick. There is no possible way to see through these walls. Yet see through them, I could. Sort of. It was like they were made out of that Japanese paper wall material, that allows you to see the shadowy silhouettes of people on the other side. I could see someone standing on the other side of the doorway, but couldn't see who it was. All I could make out was the smokey image of someone on the other side of the wall. I don't remember walking. As I moved towards the doorway, it was more of a float than a step. As I got closer, the shadow on the other side must have been able to see me through the wall too because it backed up into the corner. I inched closer to the doorway, slowly, cautiously. Almost afraid to look around the wall and see who or what was on the other side. But look I did. As I reached the doorway and looked around the wall, I saw another person. A short black girl, specifically, and when she saw me coming through the doorway, she screamed. The next thing I remember was waking up in my own body around noon. Was she a ghost? Or perhaps another person having an OBE? And why would she scream when she saw me? Paulina claimed to be able to see people's auras. Usually these tend to be blue, or green, or red, depending on mood and disposition. Usually a mixture of several. Mine was always dark brown. It never changed. It was never any colour other than brown. She said that she'd never seen anyone with a brown aura before, and that it was kind of pretty. But it makes me wonder. I am not an evil person. At least, I don't want to be. But if my spirit were visible, what would it look like? I think that there is now one person in the world who knows. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 29th, 2006
8:33 pm	The Shapeshifters I awoke to a bright, sunny morning in the Egyptian desert. It was about 9 am. The dormitory where we had spent the night had a cafeteria downstairs, so I headed on down to see what was for breakfast. As I was standing in line, I noticed a strange object floating a few feet above my head. It was a transparent dragon, about 4 or 5 inches in length. As I watched, it would periodically transform its shape into that of a four-legged lizard, not unlike that of a baby brontosaurus, and then change back into its dragon form again. By the time I arrived at the front of the line, this had happened quite a few times. I pointed it out to the cafeteria lady and asked her what it was. She waved a dismissive hand and said it was just a butterfly. I took my tray, and turned to find a table. As I got out of line, a petite Asian girl with long, silky black hair appeared right in front of me. She then spoke to me, not with her voice but with her mind. Not only did I hear her words in my head, but I also saw them appear in front of me. She told me that her name was neither pronouncable nor translateable in my language, but identified herself as UAHADC. She belonged to an ancient race of shapeshifters who lost an interstellar war, and were driven underground, here on Earth. Just then my dad showed up and asked me if I was ready to go on our tour of the pyramids. We went outside where the tour guide was waiting for us. He had a few camels ready for the trip. UAHADC was part of the tour, and she had a male friend accompanying her. The two of them mounted their camel without incident, but when I tried to get on mine, it would kick and buck and spin in circles. It was a big camel, and it didn't like me. Finally, however, I was able to climb up onto its back. Once I was safely seated, my dad walked up to it and punched it in the face. I yelled at him, "Hey! Don't do that!" And then the most incredible thing happened. Small holes began appearing in the furry coat of my camel. As the holes got bigger, blinding yellow light poured out of them. And the camel began to transform into a giant human female, about ten feet tall. While this was going on, I was still sitting on her back, holding on as tight as I could, not only for fear of falling off, but out of not having the slightest idea what else to do. As the transformation was taking place, she thundered in a telepathic voice, "You do not know what it is like to be cold and alone for a million years... but you are about to find out..." (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 28th, 2006
2:05 pm	Amy Ah, the late teens, early twenties. Without a doubt the best time of my life. After graduating high school, I briefly worked under the table on a barge in Pittsburgh with my Uncle John while waiting to receive word on one of my numerous job applications. If full time work didn't find me I was joining the Army. As destiny would have it, I was hired by Century Container Corporation in Columbiana, Ohio. They made plastic buckets. She started not long after I did. She wasn't the prettiest girl in the world, and a few pounds overweight, but she had long, bright red hair, and crystal blue eyes that lit up the room. And a smile and sense of humour that made me feel as though I'd always known her. I felt immediately drawn to and attracted to her. But while we got along wonderfully, she couldn't understand why someone like me would even be interested in someone like her, and she'd even said this to me. I guess she thought that she wasn't good enough for me. As evidence of this theory, she was the kind of girl who always went out with the "bad boys", the ones who were no good for her and she knew it. Wes was one such bad boy, and he worked there with us. This was the basis of our little midnight shift love triangle, Amy and I getting along fabulously, Wes getting jealous, Amy complaining to me about him, but yet never actually doing anything about it. I think she was even a little afraid to leave him, particularly since we all worked together. If it weren't for that fact I often wonder what could have been. This went on for three years. If there was ever one girl that I wanted to be with the most, it was Amy. So of course, she was the one girl I could never have. Christie, Renee, Paulina... the only reasons I even gave any of them a chance was because I couldn't be with Amy. Christie and Renee both turned into quick disasters; Paulina became a more long term disaster. Not only was Wes bad, he was also much older than Amy. Not only was Paulina bad, she was much older than me. So Amy and I shared a sort of parallel, a synchronicity in life. We both liked each other a lot, but were both with the wrong people, who we knew were wrong for us, and were much older than us, and both admitted to each other that if it weren't for our "others" that we'd be with each other. I suppose that provided a sort of consolation to us both, the idea of the possibility of being together being a nice escape from reality. And we still got to see each other several nights a week at work, so we didn't have much time to miss each other. Around the time I gave in to Paulina, Amy had moved out of her apartment. One day shortly thereafter, Paulina told me that she'd found an apartment for us to live in. She took me to see it... and it was Amy's old apartment! It was a constant reminder of my defeat, my failure. I lived with Paulina for one and a half years, in Amy's apartment. Synchronicity. After four years of working with Amy and Wes at Century, a new manager came into the plant and fired me because I knew too much. In his eyes, everyone except the Supervisors were peons, and didn't deserve to know that he didn't know how to run a factory, that the previous four places he'd managed went out of business, that Century itself was going down that road thanks to him. But since my initiative at that job had turned me into what basically amounted to an assistant Supervisor, the real Supervisors, after their top-secret meetings with the new manager, would turn around and tell me everything. And then of course I passed on any relevant information to the lineworkers. As an intergral part of the company, I think that the workers have every right to know what is going on with the company they empower. The new manager thought otherwise, and made up one of the silliest excuses to fire someone that I've ever heard. Nancy was a schizo. The type of person who thought that everyone was in a conspiracy against her. The kind of person who would believe, without question, anything you could possibly conceive to tell her. The new manager convinced her that I was trying to run her over with the forklift, and so she signed a complaint against me. What's funny is that there is no possible way to even GET a forklift into her work area. Ohio Job Services did an investigation into my situation and determined that there was no just cause for any "reasonable person" to find my termination justifiable. They sent me that in writing, and I think I still have it somewhere. What it amounted to, though, was that I didn't see Amy again for two more years. A year later, I broke up with Paulina, moved out of Amy's apartment, and returned home to live with my dad. Paulina had done me the favour of running up $3000 of bills in my name, mostly telephone and Fingerhut bills, and I spent the next year working at just above minimum wage paying off all my debt. I got hired by Envelope 1, a place which makes paper envelopes. I'd not seen Amy for two entire years. But on my very first night at Envelope 1, guess who else came in? Yup, it was Amy. After two whole years apart, we both started the exact same job on the exact same day. More synchronicity. Of course, this joyous reunion was extremely short lived, and served more to tease and taunt me than anything. Envelope 1 was moving into a new building across town at the time, and Amy was the first one to get transferred. I, of course, was the last to go. The Supervisor there, however, noticed how close Amy and I were, and one night he told me to go over to the new building and take a look around. I had a pretty important job to do there, but he told me to go ahead and go. He didn't say it but I think the real reason was because he knew how important she was to me, and knew I was missing her. And he was right. Once the move was complete, Amy and I shared the most wonderful work weeks together. I was still on midnight shift, but Amy got transferred to first. That meant I only was going to get to see her for a few minutes every day, but my first shift counterpart broke his hand in one of the machines, and there was nobody else to cover his position. No problem, I need the overtime, I'll do it. For two weeks I worked 16 hour days, 6 days a week. And I NEVER got tired. For the 8 hours of midnight shift, I had boundless energy because I knew Amy would be there in the morning. And for the 8 hour morning shift, I had more boundless energy from her being there. She has always had that effect on me; whenever she is around I feel invincible, immortal, capable of doing absolutely anything. Somehow I draw power from her. It was that way at Century, and it was no different at Envelope 1. The Supervisors were so impressed with me that they decided to make me a Supervisor trainee. This was fine with me because it meant a raise. So I let them train me and give me raises, even though I knew I'd be moving to the Columbus, Ohio area within a year. As soon as all my debt was paid off, I was going. Jobs in Columbus paid twice as much as jobs in Columbiana County, and I knew that to stay was a dead end. I almost told Amy of my plans, but not intentionally. I was too afraid to tell her that I was moving to Columbus because we were happy again and I didn't want to ruin it. But one day we were talking about Columbiana and I accidentally called it Columbus. She asked me why I said Columbus and I lied and told her I didn't know. Around that time I was very good friends with Helen, who was a devout Christian, and a tremendous influence in my life. I admired her and looked up to her, and we were so close that we wrote each other sometimes 6 or 7 emails a DAY. One day I was musing to myself that perhaps I had a choice to make. That I was at a crossroads in my life, and had to decide whether I wanted to live for God or for Amy. I convinced myself that Amy might be a distraction from my true destiny, and thought that if that was my choice, it should be for God first, even if it meant giving up Amy. I thought these things one saturday afternoon as I was changing drive belts on the machines. The following monday, Amy was gone. Her friend had decided to quit that job, and since Amy didn't have a car, she had no way to get to work. All of a sudden, I HATED that job. I couldn't stand the place. When I found out what had happened, I went outside, and saw that even though the sun was shining brightly, freezing rain was falling. I saw it as a sort of symbolism of how I felt inside. Of course, not long afterwards Helen betrayed me. While we worked together at Envelope 1, Amy told me that she also worked part time as a waitress at Guiseppe's truck stop just off the Ohio Turnpike. So every now and then I stopped in for coffee, and to see if she was there. We talked a few times, although never about anything really serious. Finally, it was time to move. I went to see her one last time. I never did tell her that I was moving, but the last time I saw her, I think she knew. As she was ringing me up at the register, I said goodbye to her, and she replied, "Take care of yourself." That's a funny thing to say to someone you expect to see again. Although it was not spoken, it didn't need to be. We understood. Synchronicity. After living in Columbus for a few years, I was REALLY missing her. I started searching for her on the internet, but my initial results were overwhelming. By first and last name, there were literally thousands of matches. I found another site that could search by zip code and found someone with her name, and her age, listed in the same town as the apartment we'd both lived in, but the address was wrong. At least I discovered what I think is her middle name: Jane. She never would tell me herself, but why I can only guess. I think for some reason she doesn't like it. The internet listing said only Amy J, but there are only so many girl names that start with J, and only one or two of those that sound good after Amy. If I ever see her again, I'll have to ask her. That Christmas, I was visiting my dad, and one cold and stormy night, I could not sleep at all. I could not take my mind off Amy. Something told me to get out of bed and go see Chuck. Chuck was one of the Supervisors when we'd worked together at Century. Did he still work there? And if he did, since Supervisors there are on a 12 hour rotational shift, there was only a 25% chance he'd be there that night. Nevertheless, those were good enough odds for me, and I hopped out of bed and drove to Columbiana to see if I could find Chuck. Not only was he there, but he happened to walk outside just at the exact moment I was driving past the door. I don't believe in coincidences, and that was too happenstance to be Fate. No, that was Destiny. He told me that Amy still came to see him from time to time while she was doing laundry across the street, but he hadn't seen her for a while. He said that Wave should know where to find her though, and that Wave would be in around 7am that morning. Wave was on a 12 hour rotational shift too, so there was an ADDITIONAL 25% chance of seeing her. I don't know what this all amounts to but it was a hell of a chance that turned out perfectly. No coincidences. No Fate. Synchronicity. I returned at 6:30am and stood outside awaiting Wave's arrival. Now I hadn't worked there for several years, it was 20 degrees outside, it was pitch dark, and I was standing in two feet of snow. Wave drove up and parked right next to where I was standing, popped out of her truck and came right up to me and said "Hey Mike! What's up?" I could have been there to rape and murder her for all she knew. I thought she was just a little too trusting, but I guess she knew me after all. She didn't know Amy's current phone number but she did tell me where she lived. I thanked her and returned home to my dad's. That afternoon, I drove to Washingtonville in search of Amy. And find her I did. I knocked on her door, and the look on her face when she saw me standing outside was absolutely priceless. She invited me inside, and I sat down. Amy was about 300 pounds overweight, and has no teeth left at all. They've all been pulled out. And her crystal blue eyes were now dull, dead coals. And she is the single mother of a little girl who has a genetic protein disorder that makes her a vegetarian. Wes is the father, and if I remember correctly, he doesn't pay child support, and she never wants to see him again. Play with fire, gonna get burned. It hurt to see her like this. I knew she'd had a hard life, especially recently. What else could change a person so much in such a short amount of time? It wasn't just her physical appearance; the spark of her soul had been extinguished. She was a hollow shell, going through the motions. Her only reason for living was probably the little girl asleep in the other room. I couldn't help but remember all the times we'd shared together, and it made me realize not only how much I loved her, but that I love her still. I will always love Amy, no matter what. Even if we are destined to live our separate, tragic, lonely lives, I will never forget. I will never stop loving her. She was probably surprised when I offered her my phone number, but she accepted and replied by giving me hers. She couldn't call long distance though so she told me not to expect any calls from her. She probably didn't expect any from me either, and probably thought that I was just being polite to her, and that once I walked out the door I'd be gone forever. But about a month later, I called her. And then a few weeks after that, I called her again. For the next year, I called her on a regular basis. I went to see her whenever I was in town. And over the course of that year, I noticed positive change in her. The first time I called her, she answered the phone with a sullen "...hello?" But by the next summer, whenever I called it was a bright and chipper "Yeah?!" Hearing the change in her voice and her attitude made me feel so warm inside. Even her eyes were regaining the glow I used to love. Then Monique called me up. She'd been my high school sweetheart in Cannonsburg. And she was a Christian. Deja Vu, I thought that I was being given another chance to be with a "right" girl, with Amy as a distraction. Not only that, but Monique was extremely insecure, and if she knew I had Amy as a friend she would absolutlely flip out. So what did I do? I stopped talking to Amy. Yeah. And again, Deja Vu, Monique and I are no longer together. If both instances were choices made for the sake of God, and both times turned into disasters, that makes me question the validity of God, or what I have been perceiving as God. Nevertheless, the damage has been done. I'm almost afraid to call or write to Amy again, let alone go to see her again, because I'm afraid of rejection. Her rejection. After coming back into her life, I disappeared again. What kind of friend does that? I can't keep popping in and out of her life. She is, always has been, and always will be, an extremely important part of my life, and some force in my life doesn't want her to be a part of it. If I get a third chance, I'm taking it. I don't care who gets in my way. THEY are the distraction, not Amy. I only hope it's not too late. I still see potential in Amy. I still believe that she can regain herself, and be happy again. The possibility exists for her. All she needs is for someone to believe in her. I still believe in her, but she doesn't know that. She can't know that if I am not a part of her life. Last year at Christmas, while I was still with Monique, I had a dream about Amy. It had been a year or two since I'd called, written, or seen her, so this dream came out of nowhere. Three days later, I got a card in the mail from her. Synchronicity. I've since written to her, a letter 8 pages long, as an apology to her. She hasn't written back yet, but I guess she never has been much of a writer to begin with. It's a strange role reversal; usually I am the quiet listener who makes other talkers nervous, but around her, SHE is the quiet listener who makes ME nervous, and when I'm around her I can't shut up. Hell even just talking about her here I've already said more than I'll say out loud the rest of the week. And it's only tuesday. Current Mood: discontent (Comment on this)
1:17 am	The Fleischmachter When I was growing up I lived with my grandmother in Cannonsburg, Pennsylvania. She lives right on the northern edge of town, with nothing but forest behind her. As a child I always used to run and play in those woods with my friends and my dog Genesis. I once had a dream that there was an evil cult that gathered in underground caverns in those woods, and I had accidentally stumbled into it. (As far as I know there are no caverns there). It was like something out of Indiana Jones. The place was a huge maze of twisting passageways and chambers. They knew I was inside and were chasing after me as I tried to find my way out. This cult worshipped a powerful demon who could actually manifest itself. Not only were the cultists chasing me, but this thing was chasing me as well. I came to what appeared to be a dead end, but carved into the stone wall there was a face, and the wall behind the face was actually a door. As I stood there trying to figure out how to open it, the face spoke to me telepathically, asking me the following riddle: Which of these three human emotions does the Fleischmachter not understand? And three of the stones in the floor raised up about an inch, each having some strange symbol carved into it. I assumed that it was some form of written language that I couldn't read, and that I was supposed to step on one of the stones as my answer to the riddle. Great, I thought, might as well not even have asked me the question because it still comes down to a lucky guess. I stepped on one of the stones, and the face in the door began to move. It's expression was changing, but to what I could not tell because it was then that I woke up. I wondered what "Fleischmachter" meant. Maybe it was just some conjuring of my mind, a jumble of letters to form a word that sounds evil but ultimately means nothing. Being the type of person who believes that his dreams mean something, however, I wasn't satisfied with that explanation, and got online in search of a language translation website. Having found one, I then had to decide what language to look it up in. Now I don't speak any languages other than English, but I can count to ten in Spanish. That's it. I don't speak a word of German, but on a whim I decided that it looked and sounded like something you'd hear the Nazis say in, ironically, an Indiana Jones movie. So I selected German from the menu and entered "fleisch" and "machter" as two separate words. Not only are they real words, but put together they form what could be considered to be the name of a demon: Flesh Usurper. An evil spirit who can possess, or take control of, a living body. That was the Fleischmachter, and it wanted me. (Comment on this)